1 cup water
1 cup of sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon Rum
Sample the Rum to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the Rum again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
Make sure the Rum is still OK.
Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.
Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Rum to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something, Who cares.
Check the Rum.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the Rum again. Go to bed. Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?
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